I had never been through anything quite as deep, or frankly, personally frightening, as my burnout in 2006.
Burnout moves fatigue and the darkness from a place where it was in
your control to a place where you can simply no longer control either.
I regularly hear from leaders who have let me know that they’re in the midst of burnout right now.
It’s like burnout, fatigue and overwhelm have become epidemics in life and leadership.
If you’re struggling with it, all I can say is I understand, and I’m pulling for you and praying for you.
I told part of my story in
this post along with sharing
11 signs you might be burning out.
To diagnose burnout is one thing. But how do you recover from it?
Let me share my journey. While everyone’s recovery will be different,
there were 12 keys that, in retrospect, were essential to my recovery.
Not an Instant Cure
And as far as time goes, for me there was no instant cure. It took about:
Six months for me to move from ‘crisis’ (20 percent of normal) to operational (maybe 60 percent).
Another year to get from 60 percent to 80 percent of ‘normal’.
Another three or four years to finally feel 100 percent again—like myself. Even a new self.
In the process, I completely restructured my patterns and rhythms so I
could develop a new normal. Why? Because to recover from burnout and
overwhelm, you need better patterns, not just a better attitude.
I’ve been asked so many times what those patterns are, I share them in an online course I offer called
The High Impact Leader. I’ll tell you more about that at the end of this post.
12 Keys to Getting Back From Burnout
Along the way, these 12 things helped me immensely. And while your
story might be different, I offer them in the hope they might help you
even in some small way:
1. Tell Someone
This was hard. I think it is for most leaders, especially guys.
My guess is you will resist because of pride. But pride is probably what made you burn out. Don’t miss this:
Humility will get you out of what pride got you into.
Swallow your pride and tell someone safe that you have a problem.
It’s tough, but it’s the first step toward wellness. When you admit it
to others, you also finally end up admitting it to yourself.
2. Get Help
You can’t do this alone. Really, you can’t. I went to a trained
counselor and had a circle of friends who walked the walk with me.
You need to talk to your doctor and to a trained Christian counselor. And you need others. I had people pray over me.
My wife, Toni, was an incredible and exceptional rock.
I’m not sure I would have made it without them. I’m a guy, and I prefer to work through my own problems.
This one was so much bigger than me. But not bigger than God or the community of love and support he provides. So get help.
Solitude is a gift from God, but isolation is a tool of the enemy. Don’t stay isolated.
3. Lean Into Your Friends
Yes, this could have been included in Point 2 but the guys would have missed it. Friends. You need them.
Guys—word here. We tend not to have a lot of friends and we tend not to open up. Mistake. Lean into your friendships.
Friends came to my house and prayed for me. They called me.
One day a friend called and simply said, “I know you can’t feel it
today, but the sun will rise again. It will.” I can’t tell you how much
those words meant to me that day. Your friends care about you. Lean into
them.
4. Keep Leaning Into God
Just because he seems silent doesn’t mean he’s absent. I did not feel
God for months. Not when I prayed or read the Bible or worshipped.
But I didn’t give myself permission to quit. In these pivotal moments
you will either lean away from God or into him. Lean in, hard. Even if
you feel nothing.
I did, and eventually the feelings of intimacy return. Just because
you can’t feel God’s love doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. Your
emotions will eventually catch up to your obedience.
5. Rest
I was so physically and emotionally tired when I burned out. I slept
for about 10 hours a day for a month straight, adding naps to my daily
diet on top of that.
Sleep is like money; deficits become debt. And debt needs to be paid off.
I paid off my sleep debt that month and I always try now to make sure I am not running a deficit.
If I do for a week or two, I pay it off with more sleep. You were
designed to rest, and to rest in God. While I personally didn’t take a
sabbatical or medical leave (our board offered me one), some may need
to. I was too scared I’d never come back. So I took three weeks vacation
and came back slowly.
6. Find Something Else to Take Your Attention Away From Your Pain
The problem with pain (or at least my pain) is when you do nothing you only have your pain to focus on.
Pain is selfish. It will demand all of your attention, unless you decide not to give it.
Distraction is a powerful tool to get your mind thinking about other
things. Watch a movie. Go out for dinner. Go for a hike. Head out to
a party. Take in a concert. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
At my worst, I would go to social settings and not want to talk to
anyone, sometimes even ‘hiding’ from people behind my wife who is a foot
shorter than me and 100 lbs lighter. But at least I went.
One night we hosted a dinner party and I left the table early and
ended up crying in my bedroom for the rest of the night. But at least we
threw the party. It got my mind off the constant cycle of depression.
7. Do What You Can
Again, you may need a long sabbatical. But I took three weeks off and
went back to work. On my first week back in the office, it took me
longer to write a three line email than it took me to write this entire
blog post, but I focused on doing what I could.
The first weekend I preached, those who knew the shape I was in all
told me, “We would have had no idea you were feeling so bad. You were
amazing.” I knew how I felt inside, but it was good to know I could
still be helpful to others in some way.
I think for me it was important to discover what I could still do.
When you’re burning out, focus on what you can do, not what you can’t do.
8. Don’t Do Anything Drastic or Stupid
Underline this. Because my illness involved my mind, I was tempted to do all kinds of things that could have ruined my life.
I felt like abandoning my calling, running away from everyone I knew and everything I knew, even my wife and kids.
In my worst moments, thoughts of ending it all crossed my mind. I am so thankful I didn’t succumb to any of those impulses.
Some days I just said to myself “don’t do anything stupid today.” And
if I didn’t, that was progress. I’m so thankful I didn’t do anything
rash or irresponsible.
When you’re not at your best, avoiding stupid is a win.
9. Trust Again
One of the contributing factors to my crash was a few relationships
(not my family) in which trust was broken. As hurt as I felt and as
cynical as I was at points, I made a conscious decision to trust again.
And the wonderful thing is: So many people
are trustworthy.
And God always is. Trusting again after your trust has been breached
keeps your heart fresh and alive and—ultimately—hopeful again.
10. Closely Monitor Balance
I used to pride myself in being able to go at whatever I was doing longer and harder than anyone else. Pride’s not a good thing.
I now closely monitor how I’m feeling, my rest and my balance between
time with people and time alone. I’m hyper focused on it. Because I
can’t afford not to be.
I build margin into my schedule because without it, the edge of the next cliff is right around the corner.
Margin is a leader’s best friend. The more you have, the more you thrive.
11. Watch for the Warning Signs
I watch these
11 signs of burnout
diligently. From time to time, I’ll see a few of the warning signs
creep back in. I tell the people around me immediately when I sense I
might be heading for the cliff. And I pray about it and take a
corrective course of action.
Sometimes you get false alarms. One time, I was two days into what I
thought was a ‘mini burnout,’ but I sounded the alarm bells. In the end,
it turned out to be my frustration over a leadership issue that was
producing the symptoms. As soon as I cracked the leadership issue, the
symptoms disappeared almost overnight.
But that kind of monitoring is for me central to staying healthy.
12. Take Full Responsibility for the Health of Your Soul
Nobody else is responsible for your health. You are. Pray, read your
Bible, seek life-giving friendships, replenish your energy, eat right,
work out, love deeply.
These things nourish your soul. If you don’t do them, nobody will.
Finding Your New Normal (and My Accidental Discovery)
It took me almost five years to get back to normal…but I realized
early on that normal wasn’t going to do it this time. This time, I
needed a new normal.
Here’s why:
Getting back to normal will get you into the same burnout it took you into in the first place.
For years now, I’ve worked hard to establish new rhythms and patterns that could sustain my life.
In the process, I accidentally discovered something.
These new habits, rhythms and patterns didn’t just keep me out of burnout, they made me far more productive and effective.
I had spent my 30s wanting to write a book. Since coming back from burnout, I’ve written three and am working on a fourth.
I also started speaking to leaders, writing this blog and
hosting a weekly leadership podcast, all the while holding down a full-time job AND having more family and recreation time.
The #1 question I get asked post-burnout is “How do you get everything done?”
I finally decided to summarize the principles and strategies in an online course called
The High Impact Leader.
Whether you’ve burned out or not, far too many leaders struggle with
overwhelm: never getting things done when they’re supposed to be done.
Constant interruptions and distractions keep many leaders from
getting their most important priorities accomplished. In addition, work
keeps bleeding into family time.
You don’t have to live like that anymore.
The
10-session High Impact Leader online course
will show you highly practical, proven strategies on how to finally get
time, energy and priorities working in your favor. Just to be clear, it
won’t help you recover from burnout but it will help you find highly
effective time, energy and priority management strategies once you do
recover to help you stay recovered.
Each session includes a video training and workbook that will help
you personalize a plan to help you get productive and accomplish the
very things you know are most important, but rarely have the time for.
The course is open now for a very limited time. You can
learn more or take the course here.
What About You?
It was a long road back for me personally, and I had to keep
believing that God wasn’t done with me. Eleven years later I’m so
thankful. Our church has never been healthier or more effective.
I am enjoying what I’m doing more than ever. And the opportunities before me have never been greater.
How much of that could I see or imagine 11 years ago? Exactly
0 percent. But I had to not give up despite that. In those moments and
days where I still don’t feel good, I cling to the hope that the sun
will rise again. And it does.
So that’s my story.
I’m praying for you today and I hope that in some small way this
helps those of you who are defeated, discouraged or believe it’s over.
It’s not. Our God still lives. And He loves you.
What’s your story? What’s helped you or people you love?
This article originally appeared here.
