Plan Now to Die Well

By John Piper

Provided by

“If you don’t have a better plan for how you are going to die, someone will probably just turn on the television.”

If you don’t have a better plan for how you are going to die, someone will probably just turn on the television.
As a minister of the word of God, I have always thought that part of my calling is to help people die well. That would include Paul’s aim that Christ be magnified in his body by death (Philippians 1:20). I thought of every Sunday’s sermon as part of this preparation for death. And I hoped every visit to the bedside of the dying would be faith-strengthening, hope-giving, Bible-saturated, gospel-centered and Christ-exalting.
Which is why I groaned at the hospital to find the television glittering in the darkness of the approach of death. This felt utterly incongruous. Bizarre.
One of the most godly women I have ever known was dying. She was full of the Spirit and prayer. On one of my visits to the hospital in her last days, she pleaded with me to pray for her quick death, and shared with me the nightmares she was having of “half-naked women dancing around my bed.” I wondered if there was a connection with the television that the staff turned on.
Perhaps not. But surely we can all agree, there is a better way to prepare our souls to “face our Judge and Maker unafraid.” Part of the plan for dying well is to have friends who share your vision of how to live and die for the glory of Christ. Most of us, in the last days and hours of our death, will be mentally and physically too week to set the agenda. Better set it now.
Old or young, directly or indirectly, let it be known that you want—and need—a Bible-saturated, gospel-centered death. I’m thinking of the kind of death that John Knox chose.

Knox’s “First Anchor”

It was November 24, 1572. Knox was 57 or 58 years old. (The year of his birth is uncertain.) He was dying of bronchial pneumonia. Jane Dawson’s new biography describes his final days.
His wife, Margaret was ever nearby, when not caring for their three daughters and two sons. Richard Bannatyne, Knox’s faithful secretary and friend, was never far from the bedside.
Around five o’clock in the evening, he called for his wife. Earlier he had asked for the reading of Isaiah 53 with the sweetest gospel words:
He was pierced for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his wounds we are healed.
All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
the iniquity of us all. (Isaiah 53:5–6)
He also had asked for 1 Corinthians 15 to be read with its detailed description of the relationship between Christ’s resurrection and his own.

But finally, he asked his wife to read his beloved “first anchor”: John 17. Thirty years earlier, when Knox was coming to the Reformed faith out of Roman Catholicism, this was the chapter that brought him peace. He said, this is where “I cast my first anchor.” Here he saw the roots of election and Christ’s commitment to keep those whom the Father had given him.
“I have manifested your name to the people whom you gave me out of the world. Yours they were, and you gave them to me, and they have kept your word… I am praying for them. I am not praying for the world but for those whom you have given me, for they are yours… Holy Father, keep them in your name, which you have given me… I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one… Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.” (John 17:6, 9, 11, 15, 17)
Margaret read his anchor chapter. Knox said, “Is not that a comfortable chapter?” Death came about six hours later.
Thinking he was still sleeping, his family and friends conducted their usual evening prayers after 10 p.m. When asked by Dr. Preston if he had heard the psalm-singing and prayers, Knox replied, “I wald to God that ye and all men hard thame as I have hard thame [I would to God that you and all men heard them as I have heard them]; and I praise God of that heavenlie sound.” About 11 p.m., Robert Campbell sitting on a stool by the bed, heard Knox give a long sigh and sob and say, “Now it is done.” When asked by Bannatyne to give the signal to show that he remembered Christ’s promises, Knox raised his hand for the last time and “sleipit away without any pain.” Knox’s battle had ended. (Knox, 310)
Yes, and the war had been waged to the end with the word of God. It was a Bible-saturated death. This is what he asked for, and this is what his wife and friends gave him.

Ready for Heaven

Singing and speaking the word of God—this is what I hope to hear if my death comes slowly. If you have never loved the reading of the word of God and the singing of gospel truth, ponder deeply Knox’s words, “I praise God of that heavenlie sound.”
Nothing will be more discordant in that final hour than the television. And nothing sweeter than the “heavenlie sound” of friends singing and reading the word of God. Full of the gospel, full of Christ, full of hope. Plan for this.  

Christian Husbands Suffer First

By Gary Thomas

“Look at Christ on the cross, and let’s love our wives like that.”

“Why is it always on us?”
The leader of the wives’ study group looked at Lisa and me, explaining that after reading numerous books on marriage together, it always seemed to come down to the wives being the ones to set the relationship right.
All of these women had read many books on marriage. At best, their husbands had started maybe one or two.
The simple answer to this woman’s sincere, honest and fair question is that we men aren’t acting like Christian husbands. If we would meditate on what love, Jesus style, truly means as it applies to our marriages and families, we would see that we may not be the great husbands that we perceive ourselves to be.
Paul tells husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). To love as Christ loved is to be the initiator as Christ is the initiator in His relationship with the church. We were estranged from God, but Jesus came from on high to bring us back. He didn’t wait for the church to approach Him. He didn’t expect that the bride, as the “relational” one, would be more invested in the relationship and plead with Him to come back.
Which means, men, that to be like Christ is to be the ones who chase after our wives. If things go bad, we think of ourselves as responsible for setting them right. We should be the ones having marriage study groups. We should be the ones saying to our wives, “We need to talk.” We should be the ones who buy the books, sign up for the marriage conferences, initiate getting away from the kids for a while or who research the best marriage counselor.
As part of His love, Jesus wasn’t just the lead initiator, He became the lead sufferer. He “took the bullet” so we didn’t have to.
This was Paul’s attitude expressed in Colossians, when he made the astonishing statement that the mistreatment he so often suffered was “completing what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions for the sake of His body, that is the church” (Colossians 1:24). Paul wasn’t suggesting Christ’s suffering was insufficient—not at all. It’s rather that Paul knew the church in Colossae was young and fragile, and (in the words of N.T. Wright) “it is as if he, as the leader of the church in that part of the world, is drawing the enemy fire on to himself so that the young church may have a breathing space, a time to grow.” Wright suggests his attitude, as he sat in prison in Ephesus (where Paul wrote the letter to the Colossians) is, “Well, as long as they are concentrating on me, then Christ’s body, the church, can grow until it is strong enough to stand on its own feet.”

Paul was willing to suffer so the Colossians didn’t have to. That’s the attitude of our Savior as well, and that’s the attitude of a mature man in Christ. If suffering must come, let it begin with me. If someone needs to get a second job, it’s me. If someone needs to speak up to my parents or in-laws about undue meddling, it’s me. If someone needs to have the painful conversation with a child about who they’re dating, it’s me. If someone needs to say “No” to more requests so that there’s more time for marriage and family, it’s me.
This doesn’t diminish our wives—as if they are incapable of any of the above—it’s done in an attitude of service to our wives. I agree that Lisa can do many things much better than I can, but when I let her take the lead it’s a matter of strategy, and hopefully not because I’m being afraid, lazy or apathetic.
Men, what does it mean to be a Christian husband? In part, it means we take the first bullet. How about we spend time this week asking ourselves, “What bullet can I take for my wife? What burden is she carrying that I should carry? What action has she been forced to take that I should be taking?”
Let’s do this in an attitude of humility. If we’ve been passive and suddenly come on too strong, our wives might think we’re disappointed in how they’re handling things. We need to be repentant, explain what’s going on, thank them for stepping up when they did, but then offer to carry the burden from now on.
Paul’s words are simple, powerful and profound: Look at Christ on the cross, and let’s love our wives like that. Christ was the initiator, and He took the first bullet. May we settle for nothing less.  
This article originally appeared here. See Gary’s latest book here.

7 Stages of a Healthy Marriage

by Jackie Bledsoe on Friday, January 22, 2016 at 05:28 PM

Jackie Bledsoe outlines the seven key stages, or "rings," that all couples journey through in a healthy marriage.

I remember sitting in the back of the class hoping our new bundle of joy would stay sound asleep in her carrier until the class ended. We didn’t want to miss anything and we didn’t want anyone else in the class to be distracted.
Stephana, my wife, had been attending this church since moving to Indianapolis. I had only recently begun attending the church with her and our daughter. We just made the commitment to become members of the church, and were excited to be taking our new members classes.
Then it happened.
The minister looked our way as we sat in the back of the class, and asked, "How long have you two been married?"
Keep in mind that at the time both of us were much more introverted than extroverted. So, sitting in the back wasn’t only our way of keeping our baby from distracting others, but also our way of not being noticed or being called to answer any questions we didn’t have answers to.
And there were a lot of questions we didn’t have answers to as we were twenty-somethings, and even younger in our faith. But the question came, and so did the eyes of everyone in the class. It was the worst question we could have been asked. After looking at my wife, I answered ...
"We aren’t married."

One Child, No Ring, No Union, No Wedlock

Yes, we had a child, only a month old, but at that time we weren’t married. There was no ring. No union. No wedlock. No waiting until getting married. What a way to be introduced to our new members classmates.
The thing is, up until the point we began attending this church together, having a baby out of wedlock wasn’t that big of a deal. We knew plenty of people and friends who had experienced the same at much younger ages.
We were very naive to a lot of things then. Especially when it came to God’s magnificent design for marriage. Without knowing it, we were laying a foundation for our relationship, for our future marriage, that would lead to many challenges.
In hindsight, we just didn’t know any better.

Growing Together with God Despite the Challenges

Yet, also in hindsight, every single choice, every single season of our relationship has been an amazing opportunity to learn and grow, to become closer, and ultimately to be an example of what God can and will do in a marriage when two people commit to following the principles He has set.
We later got to know that minister who had called us out and celebrate holidays with his wife and their family. Since those initial new members classes, we also decided to be intentional in learning more about God’s design for marriage. We took classes, read books, attended retreats, joined small groups, and did anything we thought would help us grow closer to God and to one another.
What we’ve learned has helped our marriage to grow and be fulfilling through each season, or what I like to call, The 7 Rings of Marriage.
Not one season, or "ring," of our marriage has been without challenges, though. Being called out in that class pales in comparison to what we’ve experienced after saying "I do." The list includes:

• Being homeless (twice!)
• Job loss
• Financial despair 
• Loneliness
• Intimacy  
• Communication challenges 
• In-law issues 

The 7 Rings of Marriage

Those challenges, lessons learned and God’s grace are the primary reasons I’ve been able to write a book on marriage, and the reasons my wife and I are able to help couples through the workshops we teach, the marriage events where we speak, and the marriage coaching we do.
Through our experiences and insights from interviews and conversations with other couples who have long-lasting and truly fulfilling marriages, we’ve noticed there is a model for successful marriages.
This model is "The 7 Rings of Marriage." Every successful couple we’ve spoken with can identify and has experienced them at some point.

1. Engagement Ring — This is the beginning. You found that special someone and you see "happily ever after" in your future. Your vision is nothing but love.
2. Wedding Ring — You said "I do" to the girl or guy of your dreams and you two have become one.
3. DiscoveRing — The smoke has cleared. You see each other every day, but there are some things you wish you didn’t see. This ring is an eye opener.
4. PerseveRing — The Bible says if you don’t work, you don’t eat. This applies to marriage. Those in marriages who don’t wear this ring, don’t make it.
5. RestoRing — You’ve learned your spouse is not perfect and vice versa, but you love anyway. When you’re “all in,” that means that you may need to put some broken pieces back together from time to time.
6. ProspeRing — You’ve experienced ups and downs, issues, challenges and everything else. But it didn’t kill your marriage, it made it stronger.
7. MentoRing — Half of marriages don’t make it this far. If you have, now it’s time to teach others what you’ve experienced in marriage.

I’m so excited to share my marriage story in my book and in a HomeLife magazine column every month. I pray it will help you and others grow in marriage, and ultimately reveal the model that will lead you to a lasting and fulfilling marriage.

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Learn More About The 7 Rings of Marriage

http://bcove.me/l6axwmji 

Studies show that roughly one out of two marriages end in divorce. One of the reasons for this is couples today are not prepared for all—the good and bad—that may happen in marriage.
Author and blogger Jackie Bledsoe outlines the seven stages, or The Seven Rings of Marriage, that equip couples for all stages in marriage. He challenges couples to keep moving through each stage for a lasting and fulfilling marriage.
Get the Book

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Jackie Bledsoe is a blogger, author and speaker, but first and foremost a husband and father who encourages men to better lead and love their families. He's the author of The 7 Rings of Marriage book (B&H) and Bible study (LifeWay), and with his wife, co-hosts "The 7 Rings of Marriage" show, where they share practical marriage lessons, and interview other couples who have lasting, fulfilling marriages. Learn more at his official website.

Are You Raising Entitled Kids?

by Sissy Goff

"My mom and I are in a fight. I have a graduation I'm supposed to go to this weekend and she won't buy me a new dress. She says I already have enough dresses in my closet. What does she think I'm supposed to do? Wear the same dress twice?"
Honestly, this eighth grade girl astounded me. As a counselor for more than 20 years, I've sat with a lot of children and teens who have all kinds of issues. But I've never spoken with a child of any age grappling with the issue of entitlement quite like this young woman.
She went on to talk about a new girl at her school and how the teachers asked a few of the students to reach out to her.
"I mean, yeah, she's new. I don't know if she has any friends yet or not. But what am I supposed to do? Walk up to her and say, ‘Hi, I know you're new. My name's ...'"
"Yes," I responded with all of the patience I could muster. "That's exactly what you do." Her entitlement was undoubtedly about material things, but it reached beyond her wants to her character. She thought entirely too much of herself and too little of others. Entitlement can be defined in the same way. And, though she may be extreme in her sense of entitlement, the problem is growing in leaps and bounds in children of all ages — even those being raised by well-meaning Christian parents.

Consequences of Free Rein

It wouldn't take long to see the chains of entitlement in any school in the United States. When many in my generation were growing up, we saved our money to help our parents buy our bicycles. Today, some elementary school students have iPads as a part of their curriculum. In 2007, 22 percent of children aged 6 to 9 had their own cellphones. One could guess that the numbers have grown exponentially since then.
We live in a culture saturated with things. Children growing up today are constantly entertained, overly stimulated, and often completely satisfied ... instantly. Many times, they want for nothing. I once saw two teenagers in a line at Disney World checking Facebook on their iPads. They couldn't wait patiently, sans devices, in a 30-minute line at Disney World, of all places.
So what's the genesis of this issue of entitlement? Why do our children constantly want more, whether it's more treats at the grocery or more attention than parents can possibly give? We don't have to look far to find the answer. The media is rampant with kids who seem to have unstoppable resources and attitudes. Long gone are the lectures about walking to school — uphill — both ways — in the snow.
There's been much press about the "every child gets a trophy" phenomenon across the country. So often, every child does get a trophy ... or unearned accolades or praise. As a counselor, I believe it's important to encourage your children. But there's a difference between encouraging them and over-inflating them.
Speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) can include statements like, "It's OK that you're not the best basketball player out there. But I sure love what a great big sister you are." Or, "You may not be the best math student, but you're outstanding in science."
In our book Intentional Parenting, my co-authors and I suggest doing a strengths assessment with your children by having them outline areas in which they feel strong and areas where they'd like to improve. It helps them understand themselves — their God-given limitations and gifts — and can be a fantastic starter to a real, honest conversation.
In our parenting seminars, we challenge parents not to rescue their children. If every time your son forgets his lunch, you take him a McDonald's meal, or every time she loses her North Face jacket, you buy her a new one, entitlement will wedge its way into your home. Struggle breeds resilience in children. As we read in James 1:12, "A man who endures trials is blessed because when he passes the test he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him." That's a much more durable crown than any we figuratively place on our heads anyway.
It's OK to let your child experience pain ... not pain that you can prevent physically, but pain that you can't necessarily prevent emotionally. Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope, says Paul in Romans 5:3-5. The suffering that we try to prevent as parents can be the tool God uses to give them hope.

Opportunities for Real Growth

So, what can you do? How can you break the chains of entitlement that may already be present in your home? Here are a few practical suggestions that can make a difference in the lives of families:

Help your children understand the difference between wants and needs.

Be aware of your own language and how you distinguish the two. Help incorporate both words into your children's vocabulary and experience. Provide necessities, but let them look forward to holidays, birthdays, special occasions, and other random special days for the things they simply want.

Let your child be a part of fundraising.

If your son desperately wants his first iPod, let him earn half the money. When holidays roll around, let him save to help buy gifts for your immediate family. Don't just buy them on his behalf and sign his name to the card. Gifts for him and others will mean more when he's been part of the process.

Make gratitude a part of the natural environment of your home.

At dinner, have everyone go around the table and say something for which they're thankful from their day ... not just on Thanksgiving. Have your children write thank-you notes. And model gratitude as an adult. Thank your server at dinner. Be grateful to your own parents when your children are around (and when they're not).

Be a family who gives.

At Christmas, sponsor another family with children of similar ages, and let your children select the gifts. Help at a local soup kitchen. Take your children on mission trips when they're old enough. Don't just tell them about children in impoverished countries ... give them hands and feet to experience life for those who have less. It will broaden their perspective and help them see that they can make a difference — no matter how old they are.

Establish financial boundaries.

If your 15-year-old daughter earns a $20 weekly allowance, don't give her more than that. Allow her to run out of money, or she'll never appreciate the distance a dollar can go. Give her consequences for overspending, too. If she uses too many minutes on her cellphone plan or overspends in another area, have her complete chores in your home to pay the difference. She'll learn much more from paying the debt of her experience than by your explanation.

Give your children responsibilities around the house.

Kids should contribute to life as a family with age-appropriate chores. They can help clear the table as young as they can walk and carry items. You can pay them for some chores, but some chores should just be a part of being a contributing family member. Chores help them learn responsibility and the value of your time and energy.

Don't be afraid to start over.

It's never too late. Tell your children, "I've been thinking about how, as a family, we're not grateful" or, "We take a lot of things for granted. It's time we did something different and appreciated one another and all that we've been given." Then do something different — no matter how old your children are.
Breaking the chains of entitlement begins at home. As you live out gratitude and graciousness, your children will see these values as worthy. You teach them by how you live, what you say, and how you allow them to struggle and work their own way toward responsibility. You can raise kids who live with humility and thankfulness, who see and appreciate what they're given daily by the Giver of all good gifts.
This article is courtesy of HomeLife Magazine.

Resources for Helping Entitled Kids

7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess

Cleaning House: A Mom's Twelve-Month Experiment to Rid Her Home of Youth Entitlement

Simply Content: Finding Freedom in a Culture of Excess

More Articles on Parenting

Encouragement for Weary Parents by Sissy Golf
Reality Parenting in a Postmodern World by Jen Hatmaker
How to Talk to Your Kids about Sex by David Thomas
Parenting Articles on LifeWay.com
Sissy Goff is the director of child and adolescent counseling at Daystar Counseling in Nashville, Tenn. A sought-after speaker for parenting and teacher training events, she is the author of the video parenting curriculum Raising Boys and Girls, as well as five books including Raising Girls, and Modern Parents, Vintage Values.

To the Pastor’s Kid: Behind the Mask (Part 2)

October 3, 2016

by Julianna Preble Fife
Life as a pastor’s kid is very interesting. As a PK, it often feels like people are constantly watching you. Ever feel like you need to wear a mask to cover up who you are? Are you concerned that if people knew who you really are and how you really felt they wouldn’t understand? You may feel like you always have to be the perfect example and have to keep your true feelings inside. But, in the midst of it all, you may also be trying to find out who you really are.
I know what it’s like to be a PK. I have been an official PK since the day I was born. I remember what it was like trying to be myself in the midst of everything. I felt like I lived in a fishbowl and was on display for all to inspect. I found it hard to be a genuine Christian because I felt I had to be perfect. I was afraid that if I showed my failures and downfalls to the people of the church they would condemn me or blame my parents.
Eventually, I placed a beautiful “fake Christian mask” on my face, thinking I could fool everyone. I figured as long as I looked like the perfect Christian to everyone in the church, no one would ever know of my faults or judge me. I wouldn’t let anyone down. I would get up Sunday after Sunday and look like the perfect PK, smile at everyone, sing the songs at the top of my lungs, and always be right where I was supposed to be in my yearly Bible reading. As far as the congregation knew, I never skipped my devotions, was on target in my prayer life, and never sinned. I thought I had them fooled.
But I soon found that the one I was fooling most was me. With this “fake Christian mask” comes deceit. With deceit comes numbness, and eventually you wake up one morning thinking you have successfully fooled the congregation, and even God. When you are numb to who and what you really are, you can no longer feel the genuine presence of God. That is the worst place you could ever find yourself.
If you find yourself in this place and think you have everyone fooled, there are some questions you need to ask yourself.
Am I a “Christian” because my parents are Christians?
I remember when I was about 15 and I no longer “felt” the presence of God in my life. In fact, I even doubted that God was out there. The problem was I had not established my own relationship with God. I had just considered myself a Christian because my parents were. I had no personal prayer life and no devotional life. I had for too long just “gotten by.” Out of a long string of events, I finally realized that I would never get to heaven through my parents’ relationship with Christ; I needed to have my own.
This is extremely important. Your parents’ salvation will not get you into heaven. You have to find God for yourself. Too many people living in parsonages think they can get to heaven on their parents’ coat tails. This is one of the biggest lies that Satan can tell you. Never let him whisper this into your ear. Do you talk to God on a regular basis? Have you accepted Jesus Christ into your heart? If you are unsure or can’t remember if you have ever done this, now is as right a time as any to talk to Him. Don’t let another day go by without knowing Him on a personal basis. No matter who you are or what you have done, He still loves you unconditionally.
God can see through that “fake mask” of yours. He knows who you actually are. He knows if you are really saved or not, or just lukewarm. The Bible talks about being lukewarm in Revelation 3:15-16. It reads, “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” God hates a lukewarm Christian, so do not be lukewarm or cold. Discover Christ for yourself. When He comes back for His children, you are the only one who will be held accountable for your life.
“Does my parents’ pastoral reputation depend on my actions?”
I wish I could tell you that no matter what you do or how much you goof up it won’t reflect on your parents, but often it really does — just like any kid’s actions say something about his or her parents. Your pastoral parents or your church should never pressure you to be “perfect” or angelic all the time. But, in truth, in the eyes of most congregations, the actions of a PK do reflect on the parents and their ministry. It’s unfair and wrong, but there’s nothing you can do about it.
However, your actions also reflect you, your character, and even your understanding of God. Tim Sanford, author of the book I Have to be Perfect, says, “Your mom and dad’s reputation is on their shoulders, but your reputation is on your own shoulders. You live and die by your choices. Other people will view mom and dad based on how you act. It is wrong that they do that, but you can’t fix their perceptions. Don’t do the opposite to get back at mom and dad either, because it is also your reputation. Your reputation is yours, not an extension of mom and dad’s.”
Your words and actions are watched. People should not expect you to be “perfect,” but realize that you are in a position of leadership and a role model, whether you like it or not. My suggestion is be genuine. Don’t expect to be perfect yourself, but know that God has set you in a place where people can either look up to you or down upon you. I would rather be a genuine, Godly example than to bring shame to myself, my parents, and especially my God.
I learned some time ago that I needed to start being myself and stop pretending. I learned to allow myself to be comfortable and honest with myself. That also made me honest and open with God and, in the end, helped me learn who I really was in the midst of it all.
“How do I get beyond the ‘mask?’ ”
First, learn to trust again. Lack of trust in people was probably what made you put on the “mask” in the first place. Realize that not everyone is out to get you, stare at you, make you an example, or criticize you. There are nice people in the world (and in the church) that just want to be your friend. Let people see who you are. Let them in on the things that make you tick and laugh. It’s hard, especially as a PK, to share with others what is on your heart. But, if you choose your friends wisely, you will be able to open up to them, knowing that you are in complete confidence.
I remember feeling like I always had to watch what I said around people, but I eventually found that one friend who would keep all my secrets. For me, it was my mother, believe it or not. She was in the same place as me, dealing with a lot of similar issues and pressures. We found we could tell each other what we were going through and lean on each other, knowing that neither one of us would tell on the other. It may not be your mother or father that you find you can confide in, but choose your friends wisely and find someone who you can trust. It is important to vent and confide in someone. It makes you stronger as a person and helps you deal with the stress and pressures of ministry.
Second, learn that mistakes are mistakes. If you have done something in your past and you’ve given it to God, let it go. Your past is your past. It’s behind you. We all make mistakes. If we learn from them and go on, we then grow. Don’t beat yourself over the head for something that you did in your past. Focus on what God wants you to become today. You may find that you can even help others because of the things that you have gone through.
There was a moment in my life when I did something very stupid. Instead of wallowing over it in my guilt and misery for the next ten years, I picked my head up, asked for God’s forgiveness, and tried to help as many people as I could who were going through the same thing. God can use anything for His good, even your mistakes.
In conclusion, please remember that God is your ultimate confidant and tour guide through life’s roller coaster! He will always be there to give you courage to be yourself, to trust others and open up, and to learn from your mistakes. He will be right beside you, holding your hand through all the challenges that are ahead of you. He will be your comforter when you are lonely and your friend when there is no one else to turn to. But most of all, He is your Heavenly Father who loves you no matter what you do or where you have come from. He made you just the way you are! Be happy with who you are in Him. Realize that everything happens in your life for a reason. Who knows, some day you may even be helping other PKs learn how to cope with being in the ministry. The possibilities are endless!

Filed Under: Helpful Articles: Family Issues

Why It’s Good to Remember the Past—but Not Idolize It

By Jamie Brown

Are your golden years in danger of becoming your golden calf?

“Those were the golden years.”
We’ve all used that phrase, and we’ve all heard that phrase. It hearkens back to a bygone era of success, vibrancy and comfort. An era which has now passed, and an era which beckons us to experience again its glory. And so the phrase “those were the golden years” escapes our lips as a lament. We lament what has been lost, as if we’ll never again attain that level of blessing or joy.
People in the pews remember the golden years. They were when so-and-so was doing such-and-such, and when this-and-that was happening, until this-and-that happened, and we stopped doing such-and-such, and then we lost so-and-so.
People in church leadership remember the golden years too. They were when the budget was bigger, attendance was higher, the buzz was buzzier and the grass was greener, until summer turned to winter, the cold winds blew in and everything dried up.
Oh, for the golden years. If only we could have those years back again. If only we could recapture that magic. If only we could just do what we did then. If only we could take matters into our own hands. If only, if only, if only.
The people of Israel fell into this trap in Exodus 32. From a toxic combination of forgetfulness, impatience, sinfulness, fear and disobedience came their decision to take matters into their own hands, and to make for themselves their own god: a golden calf. Astoundingly, the people then attributed their deliverance to the idol they had made with their own hands. Big mistake. Because, in fact, their God was at work in ways they couldn’t see, leading them forward through the desert to a new land.
It’s tempting to look back on the golden years when you’re wandering through the desert. Even if those golden years were actually not as rosy as you’re remembering.
How often do we do the same thing? We know we’re wandering, we know we’re not where we used to be and we’re scared. But we know that we used to do was working, and we know how to do that, so let’s get busy building what we know, and then stand back and watch our deliverance. Big mistake. Because, in fact, our God is at work in ways we can’t see, leading us forward through the desert to a new day.
The person who rolls his or her eyes at the faithful trusting in a God who leads his people forward into new lands is a person who has made a golden calf out of the golden years. But the person who waits, expectedly and faithfully and longingly, for God’s sovereign provision and perfect timing, has placed his trust in the right place.
So look back on the “golden years” and remember. Remember God’s faithfulness and goodness.
But don’t idolize those golden years, and attempt to take matters into your own hands, and recreate those years. Instead, trust in the same God who was faithful and good then, trusting that he is faithful and good now, and follow him wherever he leads.  

Jamie Brown

Jamie Brown is the Director of Worship and Arts at Truro Anglican Church in Fairfax, VA. Before coming to Truro, he served at The Falls Church Anglican for ten years. Born into a ministry family and leading worship since the age of twelve, Jamie is devoted to helping worship leaders lead well and seeing congregations engaged in Spirit-filled, Jesus-centered worship. He’s currently pursuing a Master of Arts in Religion through Reformed Theological Seminary. He and his wife, Catherine, have three little girls. Jamie regularly blogs at WorthilyMagnify.com and has released three worship albums: “A Thousand Amens,” “We Will Proclaim,” and “For Our Salvation.”

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6 Things You Didn't Know about Paul in the Bible

• Kathy Howard Author
• 2016 15 Jul
• COMMENTS

I thought I knew him. I’ve followed his ministry. And over the years, I’ve spent a lot of time reading his writings. But recently I realized I didn’t know as much about the Apostle Paul as I thought. While studying Paul’s life for my newest Bible study, I discovered several “new” things about the apostle of grace. Of course they were there all along; I had simply overlooked them. Maybe some will be new to you too.
1. Paul didn’t jump right into long-term ministry. (Galatians 1:13-18)
In my mind, Paul met Jesus on a dusty road, spent three days fasting in Damascus, regained his eyesight, then jumped right into ministry to the Gentiles and never looked back. But a closer examination of Scripture tells a little different story. In his letter to the Galatians, Paul wrote he “went immediately into Arabia” (Galatians 1:17). In fact, he didn’t return to Jerusalem for three years (Galatians 1:18). What did Paul do during all this time in Arabia? Many scholars feel this may have been a spiritual retreat for Paul, a time to reconcile everything he knew from the Old Testament Scriptures with his new reality in Christ. In Arabia, Paul could immerse himself in the reality of his Savior and focus on learning and growing in preparation for ministry.
2. Paul’s nephew saved his life. (Acts 23:12-35)
After Paul’s arrest by a Roman commander in Jerusalem, 40 Jewish men bound themselves in an oath to not eat or drink anything until they had killed Paul. The Jewish leaders agreed to help them by petitioning the Roman commander to bring Paul before the Sanhedrin for questioning. The assassins planned to attack Paul during the transfer. But the son of Paul’s sister heard of the plot and reported it to Paul at the Roman barracks. When Paul told a centurion, the Roman commander ordered a detachment of almost 500 guards to move him to Caesarea under the cover of night.
SEE ALSO: 5 Things You Didn't Know about Hannah in the Bible

3. Saul’s name was not changed to Paul. (Acts 13:6-9)
During the biblical account of Paul’s first missionary journey, Luke writes: “Then Saul, who was also called Paul…” (Acts 13:9). From this point forward, Luke only refers to the apostle as “Paul.” This shift does not reflect a name change, as has often been said, but rather a conscious decision on Paul’s part to use a name he already had. Since Paul was a Roman citizen, he would have been given three names at birth. The third was Paul’s Latin name, Paullus. Paul’s Latin name was a better fit for the predominantly Roman environment. “Saul the Pharisee” chose to be known as “Paul, citizen of Rome.”
4. God gave Paul more than he could handle. (2 Corinthians 1:8-11) – Paul and his companions suffered such extreme pressure during a particular situation in Asia they “despaired even of life.” Scholars aren’t sure what event Paul referred to in these verses, but it was a situation so dire Paul believed he and his companions might die. He saw no way out of the life-threatening situation. And indeed, without God’s miraculous intervention, they would have. When all human hope was lost God delivered them by His grace through the prayers of the believers (2 Corinthians 1:11).
5. Paul visited heaven before his death. (2 Corinthians 12:1-10)
SEE ALSO: 3 Things You Didn’t Know about Mary (Mother of Jesus) in the Bible
God gave Paul a glimpse of heaven during his early years as a believer, perhaps during his time of spiritual retreat in Arabia (Galatians 1:17). Paul didn’t know if he had been physically transported or was there in spirit. But he saw and heard “inexpressible things.” Pride would be the natural sinful response to an experience like this, but pride and conceit have no place in God’s servant. Therefore, God allowed something into Paul’s life to foster humility - a “thorn of the flesh.”
6. Paul felt deserted by everyone but God. (2 Timothy 4:9-18)
Throughout Paul’s ministry he suffered trials and persecution for the sake of Christ. He was stoned, beaten, imprisoned, shipwrecked, and betrayed. He often went without food, sleep, and shelter. During his Roman imprisonment, he also felt alone with no other person to support or defend him. Demas left him because he loved the world. Alexander did him “a great deal of harm.” Yet through it all, the Lord stood with him. Paul was comforted and strengthened by God’s powerful presence.
I would love to sit down with Paul and hear all his stories, find out all those things not recorded in Scripture. Perhaps he would recount all the Gospel victories and tell me more about the suffering he endured for the name of Christ. Pain and struggle may have marked his life, but God’s lavish grace sustained him every moment.
SEE ALSO: How to Have Unshakeable Joy Like Paul
Paul’s life stands as a testimony to God’s power and grace working in the lives of His people to carry out His purposes. Paul’s last written words, in his second letter to Timothy, reveal the reality of God’s strength made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9):
“For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.” (2 Timothy 4:6-8, NIV)

Kathy Howard is the author of 7 books including the new Bible study, Lavish Grace: Poured Out, Poured Through, and Overflowing. This unique 9-week study of Paul’s experiences with and teachings about grace, will help you recognize, rest in, and share the glorious grace of God.