3 Simple Ways to Keep Your Marriage Strong

By Rick Warren

---

---

I received a letter once from a lady who was struggling in her marriage. She wrote,

Dear Pastor Rick, When I first fell in love with my husband I was sure, absolutely sure that he was the right person for me. But over the years as we’ve lived together through a lot of messy situations, I’ve seen many sides of my husband that I don’t like. My feelings toward him have turned from respect and attraction to disappointment and sometimes even disgust. I now feel like maybe I married the wrong person. Why do I feel this way and what can I do about it? Something has to change.”

Because you’re in ministry, you know that this story is all too common. But having mentored and trained thousands of pastors, I can also say that it’s all to common among ministry marriages. And one of the reasons why we read about so many moral failures among ministry leaders today is that we’ve failed to keep our marriages strong and to make them the priority over ministry. Success at home is way more important than success in professional or ministry leadership.
The Bible has a couple of things to say about that that are very important. Proverbs 24:3 says, “Homes are built on the foundation of wisdom and understanding.” Paul prays in Philippians 1:9, “I pray that your love will keep on growing because of your knowledge and insight.” It takes wisdom and understanding to keep your marriage growing, along with knowledge and insight. Marriages do not automatically grow – not even ministry marriages.
One dangerous assumptions among ministry leaders is that being in ministry insulates and vaccinates you from the problems that most marriages face. In fact, the opposite is true. You have a target on your back, as does your family, and being intentional matters. Here are three practices for keeping your marriage strong.

Pay Attention to Your Spouse

Attention means love. It’s one of the most loving things you do when you give somebody your attention. When you’re paying attention to somebody you’re saying to them, “I value you. You matter to me. You’re worth listening to.” When you give somebody your attention you’re actually giving them your life. Your time is your life and you’re never going to get that time back. The truth is, that’s how you fell in love. You fell in love because you began to pay attention to somebody and somebody began to pay attention to you.
Do you remember how much attention you used to give to your husband or your wife before you got married? You bought flowers, wrote notes, made phone calls and talked for hours. You spent a lot of time together. In many, many ways during dating and engagement you said, You have my undivided attention. In fact, you thought about them all the time when you weren’t with them.
Over time we tend to pay less attention to our spouse rather than more attention. We start paying attention to things like bills and babies and budgets and ministry and work and hobby and sports and all kinds of other things. When that happens the marriage begins to deteriorate.
I show I care by staying aware.  If your marriage is going to keep on growing you’ve got to figure out a way to keep on paying attention to each other.  If you don’t do that, your marriage is going to start to crumble.  You’ve got to keep on paying attention.

Show Affection For Your Spouse

The Bible tells us in Romans 12 to, “Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other.” I’m sure you would all agree that it’s easier to fall in love than it is to stay in love. How do you rekindle lost love when the feelings aren’t there? How do you rekindle the affection you felt for each other at the beginning of your marriage?
You do what Jesus told a church to do. In the book of Revelation, Jesus told some Christians at the church of Ephesus, you guys have lost your first love for Me. Here’s how you get your first love for Me back. And He tells them four things to do. I’ve found that these are the same four things you need to do if you’ve lost the romantic feelings of affection for your husband or your wife.
The Bible says in Revelation 2, “Jesus said ‘The love you had at first is gone.  Remember how far you have fallen.  Return to Me.  Change the way you think and act and do what you did at first.” He says here four things: remember, return, repent, repeat.

Give Affirmation to Your Spouse

One reason that you fell in love with your mate is they affirmed you. You fall in love with people who express the fact that they love you. Your mate desperately needs affirmation from you. One of your God given roles as a husband/as a wife is to be your husband/wife’s greatest fan. It’s desperately needed in a world where there are a lot of critics. So one of the most important things that you do is you lift up your husband, your wife by affirmation.
How often are we suppose to do this? The Bible says in Hebrews 3:13, “Encourage each other every day while it is today.” It’s a daily habit, something we do everyday.
What do you affirm? Three things you can affirm in your spouse:
1.  Affirm their value. You can raise someone else in value as you appreciate them. As you appreciate them you raise their value and you raise the value of your marriage. Proverbs 12:25 says, “A word of encouragement does wonders.” 
2.  You can also affirm each other’s strengths. You build each other up. The power of praise of seeing someone’s strength and praising that strength is amazing. All of us blossom with affirmation. That’s how our lives are strengthened. We become what other people see in us. As you affirm those strengths you help someone to grow.
3.  You can also affirm each other’s ministry. Affirm what you’re doing for God’s sake in the world today. Romans 1:12 says, “I want us to help each other with the faith that we have. Your faith will help me and my faith will help you.”
The most important thing you must do in order to keep your marriage growing is to keep on following Jesus. He is the glue. He is what holds you together when ministry gets hard and the demands get high. Pray with and for each other. James 5:16 says, “Make this your common practice. Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed.” 

THE TRUE PATTERN

The True Pattern
(En Español)

It is one thing to be able to discern what is false, but it is of much greater value to know the pattern of the true. Thus the apostle Paul uses chapter 3 of Philippians to reveal his attitude of heart. In so doing, he gives us the pattern of what we should look for in a leader.

After presenting his remarkable pedigree in versus 5 and 6 -- an Israelite by birth; as to the Law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to the righteousness defined in the Law, found blameless -- Paul then renounces the very things he attained, saying: "But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ" (v. 7). For the mature man or woman, no position or esteem among men can replace the "surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus [our] Lord." Even the most amazing of achievements are reduced to "rubbish in order that [we] may gain Christ" (v. 8).

Paul separates himself further from the Mosaic Law, revealing that his quest is to "be found in [Christ], not having a righteousness of [his] own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ" (v. 9). Having been saved from the consequences of the Law, and having received a new source of "righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith," Paul is liberated to pursue his true destiny: Christlikeness!

We began this study last week with Paul's admonition to "observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us" (v. 17). In verses 10-11 the Lord reveals the divine template for the new creation man: Christlikeness. With this vision in his mind, Paul continues demonstrating the true pattern as a quest for intimacy and conforming to Christ. He wrote:

"That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead."

There is a difference between knowing a collection of religious truths and actually knowing Christ. Truth is in Jesus; He Himself in the way, the truth and the life. To know Him is eternal life, and to live in fellowship with Him is to partake of the nectar of Heaven.

Yet knowing Christ also means knowing the fellowship of His sufferings as we lay down our lives for the redemption of others. For those suffering for Jesus, remember: participation in His sufferings is part of knowing Him.

Paul did not embrace death as an entity by itself; he embraced Christ's death, which is not only the death of self but also the triumph of love. It is this surrender to "death for Jesus' sake" that allows "the life of Jesus [to] be manifested in our mortal flesh" (2 Cor. 4:11).

Paul continued in Philippians, "Not that I have already . . . become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus" (Phil. 3:12). Again we are looking at the pattern God seeks for each of us. A mature Christian is one who lives in pursuit of God!

Paul continues, saying "One thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus" (vv.13–14).

What specifically did Paul choose to "forget"? He let go of the wounds, forgave the offenses, and released to God the disappointments of yesterday. Nothing in Paul's past would be larger than Christ in his future. He pressed toward the prize of possessing Christ.

Many teachers will come and go throughout your life. They will have different styles and unique gifts and graces. But you are looking for the attitudes Paul described in this chapter. Look for those who are pressing toward the prize of Christlikeness. As for the others, pray for them, stand with them and, as you are led by the Lord, encourage them in love and prayer. But remember: Paul set the pattern for us. In these times of deception, accusation and false discernment, let us observe those who walk after the pattern of Paul. Let us discern the influence of Jesus in those who lead us. As we clearly see the Lord, let us follow those who follow Christ

I DO NOT REMEMBER

"I Do Not Remember"
(En Español)

How little we understand of eternal redemption! How many times will God forgive you? If you have truly set your heart to follow Him, He will cancel your sins as often as you ask. Will He forgive you of the worst sin you can think of? Yes! You may have to live with the consequences of your misdeed, but God can use your repentance and newly found humility to inspire others. As for the sin itself, if you sincerely repent of it, not only will God forgive you, He will blot it out of His memory.

Let me share an experience. A certain man of God had been gifted with revelatory insight into people's lives. During an evening service he ministered to a Presbyterian pastor and his wife. By the gift of the Spirit, he revealed the couple's past, uncovered their present situation, and then disclosed to them what was to come. This work of God greatly impressed the couple, and as the prophecies were fulfilled, one month later the Presbyterian minister brought two other pastors, each with their wives, to another service for personal ministry.

The word of knowledge was exceptionally sure that night, and the second minister and his wife marveled at the accuracy and truth in the prophetic word. The third couple stepped forward for ministry, and again the word of knowledge was present. The prophet spoke to the husband, revealing his past, present, and insight into his future. Then the man of God turned to this third minister's wife. As he began to speak of her past, suddenly he paused, then said, "There was a very serious sin in your past," he said. The woman, with her worst fear upon her, turned pale and closed her eyes. The congregation hushed and moved to the edge of their seats.

The prophet continued, "And I asked the Lord, 'What was this sin that she committed?' And the Lord answered, 'I do not remember!'"

The Lord had been faithful to His covenant promise: "I will not remember your sins" (Isa. 43:25). Although many times this minister's wife had asked for cleansing, still she could not believe the depth of God's forgiveness. Christ had placed her sin in the sea of His forgetfulness. He removed it "as far as the east is from the west" (Ps. 103:12). From everywhere but the prison of her own mind, her sin had been paid for and removed. And now, in His great mercy, He removed it from there as well!

Oh, what burdens we carry, what guilt and limitations surround us because we do not accept God's total and perfect forgiveness. In Isaiah we read, "I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake; and I will not remember your sins" (Isa. 43:25).

How great is the God we serve. How wonderful is His love toward us. He is our Redeemer, our Savior! If you are willing to forgive others and will but ask Him to forgive you, He will pardon your debts as often as you contritely turn to Him. He promises He will remember your sins no more.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The preceding teaching was adapted from a chapter in Pastor Frangipane's book, Holiness Truth and the Presence of God. This book is currently on sale and can be ordered from Arrow Publications at www.arrowbookstore.com.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Identified with Sinners

Identified with Sinners
(En Español)

Throughout His life, Jesus reached to people who were rejected by others. He loved all people, but especially those who were despised, scorned, and excluded. However, His practice of dining with known evildoers offended the Pharisees, and they confronted Jesus' disciples with this question: "Why is your Teacher eating with the tax collectors and sinners?" (Matt. 9:11). When Jesus heard the question, He answered,

"It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire compassion, and not sacrifice,' for I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners" (Matt. 9:12-13).

Jesus told the Pharisees to "go and learn" what God meant when He said, "I desire compassion [mercy], and not sacrifice." A religion without love is an abomination to God. The church needs to learn: God desires love and compassion, not merely an adherence to ritual and sacrifice.

A House of Prayer
True prayer is born of love and comes in the midst of sin and need. It comes not to condemn but to cover. All nations sin. All cultures have seasons of moral decline and spiritual malaise. Yet these periods can become turning points if, in times of distress, intercessors cry to God for mercy. Thus, Christlike prayer brings redemption out of disaster.

You see, the church is created not to fulfill God's wrath but to complete His mercy. Thus He calls us to be a "house of prayer for all…nations." Consider passionately this phrase: "prayer for." Jesus taught His disciples to "pray for" those who would persecute or mistreat them (Matt. 5:44). When Job "prayed for his friends," God fully restored him (Job 42:10). We are to "pray for the peace of Jerusalem" (Ps. 122:6), and "pray for" each other so that we may be healed (James 5:16). Paul wrote that God desires all men to be saved (1 Tim. 2:4). Therefore, he urged "that entreaties and prayers…be made on behalf of all men, for kings and all who are in authority" (vv. 1-2).

Yet the disciples were emerging from the Old Testament dispensation. So when they actually sought to call fire upon their enemies, as appropriate as this seemed to them, Jesus corrected them. He said He did not come to destroy His enemies, but "to save them" (Luke 9:56).

"But," you argue, "God needs to judge sinners for what they are doing." That may be so. Perhaps the world needs a good dose of the wrath of God to wake it up. However, only One person in Heaven and Earth is worthy to initiate God's wrath: the Lamb who was slain, who stands in intercession before God's throne (Rev. 5:6-14).

Jesus is the Lamb, the sacrifice for sin. Because He paid the highest price for redemption, we can be confident that He will not release divine fury until He fully exhausts divine mercy. I do not mean to imply that the world will continue on without reproof or difficulties. No, the Lord will use disasters and financial instability to draw men to Himself. And even then, when His judgments finally come, they will be guided by His mercy, giving time for sinners to repent.

As for us, until Christ breaks the seals that lead to wrath, we must stand in intercession before God as ambassadors of the Lamb. We are not minimizing sin when we maximize Christ's mercy. There is a difference between whitewashing sin and bloodwashing it.

The reality that compels God's heart, which is an underlying principle of our own redemption, is this: "mercy triumphs over judgment" (James 2:13). To live a life of mercy corresponds perfectly with God's heart. Mercy precisely fulfills the divine purpose: to transform man into the Redeemer's image.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The preceding teaching was adapted from a chapter in Pastor Frangipane's book, The Power of One Christlike Life. This book is currently on sale and can be ordered from Arrow Publications at www.arrowbookstore.com.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

For Dreams to Come True

For Dreams to Come True
(En Español)

A number of years ago the Lord spoke to me through a dream. I saw a temple standing in an open field. My view of the temple was from its side, about two hundred yards away. I could not see its front, yet it must have been completely open because great light flashed out from the inside. It pulsed like lightning yet was solid like sunlight. I knew this light was the glory of God.

The temple was so close that I knew that with just a little effort I actually could enter the glory of God. His holy presence was clearly within my reach. There were also others directly in front of me whom I recognized as people from church. Everyone seemed very busy. And while the temple and its light were visible and readily accessible to all, every head was bent downward and turned away from the light; each was occupied with other things.

I heard one voice say, "I have to do laundry." Another said, "I have to go to work." I could see people reading newspapers, watching televisions, and eating. I was sure everyone could see the light if they wanted to -- even more sure that we all knew His glory was near. There were even a few people reading the Bible and praying, but everyone maintained the downward thrust of their gaze; each had a mental barrier of some kind between themself and the place of God's presence. No one, though, stood up and steadfastly walked into the nearby glory of God.

Continue reading

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

This word was adapted from a chapter in Pastor Frangipane's best-selling book, The Days of His Presence. This book, together with Francis' audio series, In the Days Ahead, is available for up to 46% off retail price. Limited time only. Available in several different formats.

My Life of Regret and Hope

By Jeremy Myers 15 Comments

Some people think I have lost my faith. I think I am only now beginning to find it.

Some people think I have lost my faith. I think I am only now beginning to find it.



Parts of my story, my journey of faith, my walk with God (or whatever you want to call it) have been posted in various places online (on Jason Boyett’s blog, for example) and in a book I edited last year, but little of it has been posted here on this blog. Let me summarize some of the highlights.

My Life in a Few Paragraphs

I was raised in a pastor’s family. I had two loving parents, and nine siblings. I loved growing up, going to church, attending school, and spending time with friends and family. I sometimes wish I could go back and relive my childhood.
Upon graduating from high school, I went to college to become a Mechanical Engineer. After my freshman year, a good friend of mine died in a hiking accident, and as a result, I thought that I should reconsider my life goals. So I decided to become a pastor. I went away to Bible college, where I got my degree, and more importantly, met and married my beautiful wife, Wendy.
After graduation from Bible college, I decided to get an M.Div., but after only a year, decided that I would rather just enter into professional, full-time ministry. So Wendy and I went to Montana, where I became the Senior Pastor of a small, struggling church.
I pastored there for three and half years. The church had numerous problems, and I was an inexperienced pastor and so made numerous mistakes. But for the most part, I enjoyed being a pastor, and wanted to do nothing else for the rest of my life. I loved the people I worked with, and loved the community we lived in. I was not the best husband, however, and was too consumed with ministry to help my wife out at home much, or take an active role in raising the two girls that my wife had delivered during this time.
At the end of three and half years, the church could no longer pay our salary. The church was very small (only about 35 people), and I had made some pastoral decisions which had angered the main financial backers of the church, and so they stopped tithing. When the money ran out, the governing board bowed to the demands of the big tither and asked me to resign, which I did.
I then became the pastor of a larger church in a nearby town. This was every pastor’s dream church. Oh sure, there were problems, but for the most part, the people were warm and loving. The services were well-attended. The elders were supportive. The families were active. I loved this church and everybody in it. But I also had a growing sense in the back of my mind that I needed to finish my Master’s degree. So with a heavy heart I resigned, and moved my family to Texas to get a Th.M.
In the process of moving to Texas, I landed my dream job. I got to work with an author and Bible scholar I highly respected, helping him publish his books, plan his speaking engagements, and coordinate various conferences around the country. I even got a few of my own articles published, and was invited to speak at a few conferences and churches as a result of my involvement with this ministry. I was working full time and attending school more than full time (I completed a four-year degree in three years), and so needless to say, my marriage suffered even more than it had before. Then, right before graduation, I wrote a blog post which ended up getting me fired from my job.
I sunk into depression. My faith shattered.  Everything I had worked for and hoped for lay in pieces at my feet. I lost my dream job, and almost all of my Christian friends abandoned me. After applying for nearly 60 different jobs, the only job I could get was as a carpet cleaner. I also had pretty much destroyed my wife and my three daughters by ignoring them for most of my time as a pastor and all of my time as a seminary student. It seemed to me that by almost every standard, my life was a complete failure.
Eventually, I found a new job as a prison chaplain in New York. It was not something I ever imagined doing, but it was in my “field” of training, and paid better than cleaning carpets. While in New York, I started trying to rebuild. I sought to rebuild myself, my faith, my marriage, and my family. I changed a lot of my beliefs. My wife and I went to marriage counseling. I started looking for a new way to follow Jesus.
A year ago, we moved to Oregon. I still have the same job, but in a different location. I am still slowly trying to rebuild my life, my faith, and especially, my marriage and my family. There are many signs of progress, but sometimes, I am afraid that sooner or later, it will all come crashing down once again. One of the main things that keep me going however, is hope.

My Life of Regret and Hope

I sometimes regret that I gave up mechanical engineering for pastoral ministry. Though I truly enjoy studying and teaching Scripture, I sometimes feel frustrated that given my current career path, the only jobs I qualify for are in the field of professional ministry. But I am hopeful that God will use my detail-oriented and creative-thinking brain in the field of Bible study and theology to help others see that God may not be like what many of us have been taught, and that the Bible may not say what we have always thought.
I sometimes regret that I left that first church. There are many aspects to pastoral ministry that I desperately miss. I sometimes wish that rather than resign, I had simply taken a secular job in the community and remained on as pastor without taking a salary. This decision would have taken away all the power from the “money” in the church, and would have freed me up to lead the church in the direction we needed to go. But I am hopeful that maybe, somehow, God might lead me into some form of pastoral ministry again, in a way that does not require me to take a salary, and to serve alongside other people who want to follow Jesus into the world.
I sometimes regret that I left that second church to go to seminary. The people there were so loving and kind. I miss many of them desperately. But now that we have finally settled into an area in which we hope to stay for a while, I am hopeful that God will bring more people into our lives with whom we can build friendships, and learn to love. We have been in our current location for just one year, but we already see some of these sorts of friendship developing.
I sometimes regret posting that fateful blog post which got me fired from my dream job in Texas, and which caused a lot of heartache and confusion in the minds of people I worked with or who looked up to me. But I am hopeful, because the experience of leaving that job opened my eyes and mind to a whole new way of viewing people, thinking about theology, reading Scripture, interacting with others, and ultimately, living life. I believe I am now more loving, gracious, and forgiving than I ever was before. And quite a bit more humble. (That’s a joke!)
I always regret the way I treated my wife for all those years as a pastor and as a seminary student and during my years of depression. She deserved so much better. And yet I am more hopeful now for our marriage than I have been in a long time. She has forgiven me, and shown love to me, and we are laughing together and living together with joy in ways that we have never before experienced.
Sometimes Wendy and I ask ourselves if it was all worth it. In so many ways, we see Jesus, we read the Bible, and we understand God so differently than before. We think it was worth it.
I often joke that the “me” of fifteen years ago would consider the “me” of today a heretic. But the “me” of today does not consider the “me” of fifteen years ago a heretic; just somebody who had to learn some difficult lessons the hard way. Though my life is full of regrets (and there will probably be many more to come), I never would have learned the things I know now if I had not experienced what I did. This too leads me to hope.
I hope that the future “me” can remember that when I make mistakes, God can resurrect hope and joy from the ashes. After all, without death, there is no resurrection.

God can resurrect hope and joy from the ashes. After all, without death, there is no resurrection.



 So when parts of my life die, whether by design or by poor choices, I must remember that even in the dark despair of the moment, God is at work to bright forth light, love, joy, and hope.

---

This post was written as part of the November Synchroblog, in which different bloggers write about their journey of faith. Here is a list of other contributors:

• LoveDay – When God Pulls Your Strings
• Liz Dyer – Stages of Faith and Beauty In the Wilderness
• J A Carter – Jesus Christ Superstar Saved My Soul
• Carol Kuniholm – Stumbling In the Dark
• Edwin Aldritch – A Journey From Church To Faith
• Glenn Hagar – How I Became Irreligious
• DoneWithReligion – My Journey To Leaving Church
• Kathy Escobar – A Drama + A Comedy = A Dramedy

KONFLIK DALAM KELUARGA

TELAGA: KONFLIK DALAM KELUARGA

Dua pribadi yang berbeda -- suami dan istri, masing-masing memiliki cara hidup yang berbeda. Oleh karena itu, satu sama lain harus beradaptasi. Hal sekecil apa pun bisa menjadi konflik bila masing-masing pribadi tidak bisa menyesuaikan diri.

Faktor penyebab paling umum yang menimbulkan pertengkaran di dalam keluarga adalah kesulitan beradaptasi dengan perbedaan. Kita memiliki cara atau gaya hidup tertentu. Nah, sewaktu hidup serumah dengan pasangan kita, berarti kita harus siap untuk beradaptasi. Adaptasi artinya berani memeriksa diri, mengintrospeksi kelemahan masing-masing, dan akhirnya berani untuk mengubah diri. Kecenderungan banyak pasangan yang menikah adalah tidak mencari bantuan terhadap masalahnya, sampai masalah itu berkembang semakin serius. Bahkan, Marcia Lasswell dalam bukunya, "No Fault Marriage", mengatakan bahwa rata-rata pasangan menikah datang mencari pertolongan kepada konselor setelah mengalami persoalan pernikahan kira-kira sekitar 7 tahun. Problem itu ditumpuk selama 7 tahun, dan akhirnya tak bisa dikendalikan lagi. Setelah itu, baru dibawa kepada orang lain untuk mendapatkan bantuan.

Penyebab orang tidak segera mencari bantuan terhadap masalahnya, antara lain:

- Budaya kita adalah budaya yang dipenuhi dengan rasa malu sehingga kita cenderung menutup diri. Kita mempunyai anggapan bahwa tidak baik membicarakan masalah rumah tangga dengan orang lain.

- Adanya anggapan bahwa menceritakan kejelekan pasangan kita itu berarti memberitakan kejelekan kita sendiri.

- Kita berpikir kalau kita menceritakan masalah pasangan kita, kita sedang berkhianat.

- Dan, alasan yang paling mendasar adalah kita termasuk tipe orang yang tidak begitu menyukai perubahan.

Di bawah ini ada beberapa pandangan tentang bagaimana menyelesaikan masalah.

1. Menguasai/mendominasi. Mendominasi atau menguasai secara paksa akan membuat suasana pernikahan "tenteram". Dan, tenteram ini bersifat semu atau sementara. (Cara ini tidak dianjurkan.)

2. Menghindar. Cara ini tidak sehat karena kita hanya menunda membicarakan dan menyelesaikan masalah, dan kita mengalihkan perhatian kepada hal-hal lain.

3. Menuruti/mengikuti kemauan pasangan kita. Ini pun tidak sehat, sebab waktu kita menuruti atau mengikuti kemauan pasangan kita, itu berarti kita harus menguasai atau mengekang keinginan kita.

4. Kompromi. Kita dan pasangan kita masing-masing mengurangi tindakan kita atau tuntutan kita supaya akhirnya dapat mencapai titik temu. Cara inilah yang boleh kita gunakan dalam situasi konflik yang sudah rumit sekali.

5. Bekerja sama, yaitu kedua belah pihak berusaha memenuhi kebutuhan masing-masing/memikirkan solusinya.

Untuk bisa bekerja sama, lakukanlah langkah-langkah berikut ini:

- Harus mengakui adanya konflik.
- Mengomunikasikan dan mengakui kebutuhan atau keinginan kita masing-masing, apa yang diinginkan itu yang perlu disampaikan.
- Memikirkan alternatif penyelesaian dan dampak terhadap masing-masing pihak.
- Mulai memilih alternatif yang memenuhi keinginan masing-masing pihak.
- Melaksanakannya.

Mazmur 18:21-23 berkata, "Tuhan memperlakukan aku sesuai dengan kebenaranku, Ia membalas kepadaku sesuai dengan kesucian tanganku, sebab aku tetap mengikuti jalan Tuhan dan tidak berlaku fasik terhadap Allahku. Sebab segala hukum-Nya kuperhatikan, dan ketetapan-Nya tidaklah kujauhkan dari padaku."

Kita bisa menggunakan banyak cara untuk menyelesaikan konflik, tetapi intinya kita harus selalu bertanya apakah kita telah mengikuti jalan Tuhan. Sewaktu kita mengikuti jalan Tuhan, Tuhan akan memberikan yang kita minta.

Diambil dan disunting dari:
Nama situs: TELAGA
Alamat URL: http://www.telaga.org/audio/konflik_dalam_keluarga_1
Judul transkrip: Konflik dalam Keluarga 1 (T002B)
Penulis: Pdt. Dr. Paul Gunadi
Tanggal akses: 16 Oktober 2013